THINGS THAT HAPPEN AFTER LOSING 15KGS

Block of text: "tasteful shot of my flat tummy reflected in our microwave oven.
Shoo-wow

Things happen before losing 15 kilos: wedding rings don’t fit, thighs chafe, faces expand to Val Kilmer levels – so I volunteered to be part of a group transformation programme at work with a personal trainer. I lost 9kgs on the programme in four months and 6kgs by myself in three months – then I noticed other less obvious things that happen after losing weight:

 

MIND

  1. Finally learnt how to use the free health app on my phone for noting calories, exercises, sleep, etc – highly irritating to your family, but helpful for maintaining fantastic results and motivation. #mommyscountingcaloriesatthetableagain
  2. Some friends don’t comment, even though it’s pretty obvious you’re WAAAY skinnier. No matter – you’re not doing this for them.
  3. Strangers give you the ‘well-hellooo-there’ eye. It’s nice, but you don’t need validation. Just quietly and humbly do this for your own health and wellbeing.
  4. My body is a template (sic). Am totally chuffed with what it can do.
  5. Less vanity, more confidence: I work out with zero makeup, ungroomed hair, wearing unfashionably loose, holey t-shirts because I’m there to sweat, not take selfies or be admired.
  6. Feeling fitter, stronger and faster than before. Losing 15 kilos is quite substantial for a 1.68m frame. Celebrate and appreciate.
  7. Focus on your own workout and your own body. Don’t worry about what anybody else is doing. They’re also trying to improve on what nature’s given them, so you all have something in common.
 

BODY

  1. Wedding rings fit, wrist and collar bones show.
  2. A waist. And knees. Only one chin!
  3. Less arm jiggle.
  4. Goodbye back boob!
  5. Hello cheekbones!
  6. It’s slightly more effort to shave your pits because they’re hollower.
  7. Looser bras – ‘the girls’ got smaller.
  8. No more hungry bum – undies fit like a dream.
  9. Less bubble-bum (more squats needed).
  10. You have to turn your jeans into Daisy Dukes thanks to previously-hungry thighs eating their way through the denim.
  11. After losing 15 kilos EVERY outfit in my wardrobe looks good except for PJ-style pants now sagging sadly in the butt.
  12. Being able to squat effortlessly to check a price on the lowest shelf in the supermarket and get back up in one smooth ninja-like move.
  13. That heavy cast-iron pan you needed two hands to get from the bottom of the cupboard, is now a breeze using a sumo squat and one hand. Ooh, a bicep!
  14. I never need to touch a dirty bin lid again: holding the lid open with one foot, while balancing on the other is great for the core. Hello extra-weird behaviour!
 

LIFE

  1. Detailing every little thing on social media isn’t necessary. If your weight falls in a forest and nobody’s around to see it, did it even happen? HELL YEAH!
  2. Larger breasted people probably burn more calories – it’s SO MUCH harder to do star jumps while trying to hold your boobs.
  3. Natural Child Birthers & Owners of Weak Pelvises may find star jumps, rope jumps, sumo dead lifts, squats, etc, are going to yield a series of unfortunate events ‘down there’ without necessary precautions. Use whatever works for you.
  4. Extra appreciation for every piece of cake, G&T, chocolate and ice cream that I smash in my face. As long as I make a note of it on that app and eat a balanced, healthy diet most of the time.
  5. Fasting, skipping meals and maligning certain food groups is not for me. If I’m hungry at 11am, that’s when I eat lunch, and if I want pasta or curry for breakfast, I have it because I’ve earned it after losing 15 kilos.
  6. A need to invest in a BOSU ball.
  7. Giving away those too-tight-but-super-cute dresses/tops/skirts was premature. Dang.
  8. A personal trainer takes you out of your comfort zone – balancing on your knees on the pilates ball, squatting on an inverted BOSU ball, pelvic thrusting and lungeing in front of strangers will cause you no shame.
  9. I HATE plyo box pushes, burpees and bodyweight pushups.
  10. I LOVE planking, sumo squats and tricep dips.
  11. The desire to buy jeggings.
  12. ‘That’ look from hubby more often.
  13. People treat you differently at work. Some see you as an inspiration while others give you the side eye. Luckily, not your problem.
 

DON’T GIVE UP

Firstly, some people take longer to lose weight, they reach a disheartening plateau in their training, or they don’t achieve the same results as others doing the same exercises and following the same diet. Secondly, you need to find your own fit. Thirdly, there’s no quick fix – slow and steady really does win the race. And lastly, if you can invest in a gym membership or sports programme with a reputable personal trainer to help you, then do it. It worked for me.

Good things happen after losing 15 kilos – here’s to you finding more than just hip bones and a taste for lycra.

 

ADDENDUM

Lockdown life doesn’t really allow for gym visits, personal trainers, park runs and surfing when you want, but you can still keep moving – swing ball, trampoline, skipping rope, running on the spot, online workouts, playing with your dog, whatever. Control your body, control your mind.